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The Visitor |
A Death In The Family
I woke up this morning to my father telling me we have to visit someone from the village at the Institut Jantung Negara (National Heart Centre) ICU ward.
By the time we got there, he'd already passed away.
Right now I'm in a very odd state of mind, but for very different reasons. Yes, a relative of mine passed away, but I don't even know his name, or the names of those that were around me crying and asking the eternal question 'why'.
I'm feeling odd for very selfish reasons, feeling feelings one shouldn't feel at the passing of someone. I shouldn't feel this way because it's not right, and you may think differently about me for it, but it's my blog and I'll write what I goddamn please.
I'm feeling odd because once again I was a ghost to my parents. Because once again I felt how I used to feel before I was busy with work and music.
When I woke up and heard the news I took a shower and put on my clothes. The same clothes I'd usually wear. The clothes that to me were like a second skin. I walked down the stairs and my father immediately raised his voice, asking why I looked like a bum, what kind of trousers are those, why can't you dress like a normal person, why do you have to look like a freak.
I went upstairs and put on slacks and a polo shirt. My mother approved.
"This isn't me," I replied.
"Why do you have to be yourself all the time," asked my mother, "can't you be someone else?"
It may not seem like much, but this type of shit insults me. First, it tells me that my parents judge me. They judge by appearance. No matter what I've achieved or may achieve, as long as I wear a t-shirt I'm a bum. Nice logic. By that rationality Ghandi was a nutter for wearing a nappy everywhere.
Then again, he did go against the British government without a gun, so he may be a nutter to some, but that's not the point.
Secondly, it also tells me that they worry more about how people perceive them after looking at me (they said so themselves, so I'm not just second-guessing) rather than just be proud of who and what I am.
Typical 'parent-child' crap, as you can see, but I haven't had to experience it in awhile. The whiny kid inside me had nothing to whine about when I was out there being a man around town. Times like these I'm the child again, the child that they're embaressed about when bringing to the village.
Once I dyed a streak of blonde in my hair. As luck would have it, I had a TV interview. The whole village saw it. Apparently I was the talk of the town. My dad made me dye it back the next day.
When we arrived at the ICU I turned into what I always am during situations like this: a ghost. Nobody sees me, nobody notices me, nobody knows I exist. My father and mother revert back to olden ways and expect me to know what's going on, what to do, what to say, what the customs are.
And I haven't a fucking clue, so I stand at the side and watch.
I watch as the deceased's sons and daughters weep.
I watch as the villagers make arrangements for the funeral.
I watch as they pray over the dead body.
I watched and remembered the first funeral I ever went to. I watched and wondered whose death would make me grieve that much. A few names came to mind.
Finally my father acknowledges my existence,
"Do you have work today?"
I said yes.
"You go ahead. You don't have to go to the funeral."
I remember the last time I was at a funeral in the village. Like always, I'm a ghost. A ghost until I'm not doing something I'm supposed to do, which I never knew I was supposed to do anyway. It's the same at a wedding. The same at a religious event. If it's in the village, I don't exist.
Until I don't do something I'm supposed to which I never knew I was supposed to do anyway.
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6.4.05 05:38
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Any Of You Guys Used To Watch Rainbow?
 Y'know: Zippy, George n' Bungle? Any of you guys remember this happening in the TV show? Geoffrey (to camera): Hello everyone, today we are talking about playing. Bungle: Playing with each other, Geoffrey? Geoffrey: Yes Bungle, do you have a special friend that you like to play with? George: Yesterday we played with our balls. Are we going to play with our friend's balls today? Bungle: Yes, and we can play with our twangers as well. Geoffrey (to camera): Have you seen Bungles twanger? Zippy: Oh I have, I showed him how to pluck with it. Bungle: It's my plucking instrument. Geoffrey asks the audience if they can pluck like Bungle Zippy: I can, I'm the best plucker here. George: And I'm good at banging. My peg's hard isn't it Zippy? Zippy: Well of course it is, Your peg wouldn't go in if it was soft. Click here to watch the episode. It's warped. Very warped.
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6.4.05 06:56
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SecTopClass - Yeah Yeah! Free Download
Security, Top Secret & Classified - Yeah Yeah!
To download, right click on the link and choose 'Save As'.
A lot of bands, hell, any creative endeavour for that matter, usually form due to a collective love for 'something'.
For Security, Top Secret & Classified, it was the Beastie Boys.
It all started when Goz (Top Secret) gave me a call and said he was visiting from Singapore with his friend Wilson (Security). They wanted to do a Beastie Boys-style song and required my recording abilities.
Before, in England, we had started a band called 'Toadspit' and recorded a demo of Goz on guitar and me on vocals. It wasn't that good, recorded with a hi-fi and a microphone.
I'd come a long way since then.
When they arrived I spent two days doing up a mass of beats a la 'Shake Your Rump' from the Paul's Boutique album to complement their lyrics on a friend of theirs who decided to not masturbate for 30 days. After that, they came up again to recorded another song.
'Yeah Yeah!' is that song.
Clocking in at about 6 minutes, this one stuck to a simple funky breakbeat and bass loop as the mental lyrics came a-spewing, with lines such as,
I'm not white like Van Damme or Vanilla Ice / I'm like Big Bird all yellow and nice / Don't give me foie gras gimme fried rice / Like Yen Can Cook I slice and dice
Or one of my favourites,
When I play Street Fighter I choose Guile / Got the re-dizzy move so wild / You think you can beat me with your sonic boom style / You must be in Egypt 'cos you're in de-nial!
If we ever have time, we might do an album. Or not. No one knows.
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6.4.05 14:03
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For Those That Actually Give A Shit...
...I've stopped writing the pontianak script after about 3/4's of the way through. And the reason? Because I don't really care if the characters live or die.
I was writing it and writing it and writing it and realized that I don't care about the characters. I thought they were all pricks. In the short film script everything goes by so fast and so tight that it didn't really matter. But will the audience care about these assholes for 90 minutes? I don't.
And it's important to me. I need to care about these guys. If I'm going to put them through hell, I've got to care enough about them that I don't want them to go through hell. If I don't care, why should the audience? So it's been put in the 'save it for another time' folder.
The good news is, I'm working on something else. I think I've found a system that works. I first wrote out a full page description of each character to the point where I know what their favourite movie is. I then right out an outline of the entire movie, all my ideas, but not in detail. Just one-liners. These are my rough scenes and I'll just take it from there. It should work. I hope it works. I've been threatening to make a feature length for so long it's beginning to sound like boy cries wolf.
And I'm not gonna jinx it this time by running it by everyone. You're just gonna have to wait.
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6.4.05 15:21
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Hehehe...
...I'm already 30+ pages into the script I was not telling you anything about. Hehehe. And I've already got a cast in mind. Hehehe.
You know you're having fun writing when your smiling as you type it.
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7.4.05 07:24
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Helpful DIY Production Thingeys
 $14 Steadicam: The Poor Man's Steadicam. Steadycams (or camera stabilizers) are attachments used to capture smooth looking video even when the camera and camera operator are in motion. The camera operator may walk (or even jog), move through tight hallways and doorways, and even climb up and down stairs without shaking the camera. Unfortunately, professional steadycams cost around $1500. Even the cheap 3rd party ones cost $600+. Not exactly a bargain considering many of us use cameras in that price range. So, I decided to make my own version. It turns out, it only costs $14. Not too bad. Seems kinda cool, but my handiwork with a saw and screwdriver leave much to be desired... Also: Next Wave Films was started in 1997 to provide support to new filmmakers making ultra-low budget English-language features around the world. Films are submitted to us after they have been shot and there is a rough cut. In addition to finishing funds, we provide assistance during post-production, and then help filmmakers implement festival and press strategies, secure domestic and international distribution, and find financing for subsequent features. Could be helpful.
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7.4.05 07:38
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The Story So Far...
...is 52 pages in. About 20 pages more than the pontianak script already. That script took me weeks. This one's taken me three days so far.
There's a little part of me that's itching to review it so far and make my own comments, maybe even rewrite the whole thing, but I'm keeping it at bay. I'm making progress with the first draft and I think I've found someone to play the lead perfectly.
Soon, my pretties, soon...
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7.4.05 17:01
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After 3 days of writing...
...I finished the first draft of the script last night at 2:43am.
And it feels good.
The technique of writing basic scenes and crossing them off after each was done paid off. Sure, some bits were rearranged, some bits were changed altogether, but it worked and I have a complete script. 70 pages long which, if I've formatted correctly, is about 70 minutes. Add the little song sequences and lingering montage mood shots and it'll probably clock in at 80+ minutes.
I didn't get jinxed along the way, but I'm sure the thing is in dire need of a rewrite. I just blazed through the damn thing, getting the scenes and dialogue out of my head. The bones and meat and brains and heart are all there. It just needs a bit of a touch up on the skin... the face... the hair...
Yes, we're still talking about writing.
So maybe I should tell you guys about the story... or not. I'll save that for another post. I've got some stuff to do.
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8.4.05 08:07
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After Many Months Waiting...
 ...I finally saw Sin City. And I loved it. It wasn't a great movie, it was missing that something to make it truly great, but it was good. Oh, it was damn good. And yes, I've bought the making of book too, and if there was a t-shirt or toy figurine I'd snap it up in a heartbeat. Sweet.
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8.4.05 09:26
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